Now that the lockout is lifted, the chances of the Bengals trading Carson Palmer before the draft went from zero to 0.0000001%.   I feel like Lloyd at the end of Dumb and Dumber…  I have a stupid grin on my face and say, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”

I’m certainly not holding my breath or anything, but I can dream and hope.  The Ultimate Fantasy Draft that I envision for the Bengals is just that: an effin’ fantasy.  Like a fantasy on par with me leading a harem of Scarlett Johansson, Kelly Brook, and Keeley Hazell.  But what the hell?  Is it a crime to hope?

Va

Va

Voom

This last second lifting of a lockout is the NFL equivalent of a Hail Mary pass, a walk-off home run in baseball, an alley-oop in basketball.  You never expect anything of those to be successful, but when they are, it’s pretty effin’ sweet.  Without further ado, if I were the GM of the Bengals, here’s what I would do right now:

1)  Trade Carson for a first-round draft pick.  This is a fantasy, right?  The chances are stacked against the Bengals for them to get anything higher than a 3rd rounder, but it IS possible.

2)  Use that additional first-round draft pick and trade it for more picks.  The Bengals are in serious rebuilding mode, and they could use that pick to help several areas.

3)  Keep the No. 4 pick and take Someone Awesome, Possibly A.J. Green:  Since the Bengals have that additional first-round pick, it wouldn’t be as risky to take a wide receiver with the first pick.  And if you can get the best WR in the draft with Randy Moss-esque hands and leaping ability, that would be sweet.  Or the Bengals could go defense with Von Miller or Nick Fairley.  Either way, I would keep the No. 4 pick and take whoever I like the most (as in, like like, not just like).

4)  Or You Keep the Other First-Round Pick:  I wouldn’t necessarily trade the other first-round pick, especially if I could get someone like Mike Pouncey at guard.  Or I would go ahead and pick whatever QB I like the most (as in, like like LIKE, not just like), whether it is Christian Ponder, Andy Dalton, or whoever.

I completely and utterly understand that this is pure fantasy.  I mean, even if the Bengals do trade Carson Palmer, it’ll probably be for a second rounder at the most.  Still, you need to trade him and trade him now when you can help your team in 2011.  Sigh… I know this won’t happen, but a guy can dream, can’t he?