Will the Bengals Go Green?

Not that I’m the first to say this, but this NFL draft sucks ass.  I am saying this metaphorically, spiritually, whatever. 

Especially for this team that I for some reason continue to maintain interest in, the Cincinnati Bengals.  The Bengals have had the most top-six picks (8) in the past 20 years, and the majority of these dudes have been busts.  Here are a few of them: David Klingler, Akili Smith (both QBs have had more INTs than TDs), Ki-Jana Carter (the only time the Bengals moved up in the draft, and then Carter tears his ACL after the THIRD play of the PRESEASON), and Peter Warrick.  To be fair, the Bengals drafted better defensively than offensively, and those awesome defensive picks have put fear and loathing in… Ah, just nevermind.

So yeah, the Bengals this year have the fourth pick, and the options seem to be fairly limited for the Bengals.  The only QB that they would take, Cam Newton, is almost certainly off the board.  Even though I have supported the position in the past, I’m not clammering for the Bengals to draft him.  Sure, there’s also Blaine Gabbert, but he just looks like a douchebag, and he came out of nowhere.  How do you go from a mediocre college QB to “Oh yeah, you gotta draft him in the top ten”?  I read somewhere that Jimmy Clausen graded out higher than Gabbert did.  That’s all you need to know.  Plus, the whole douchebag thing. 

WR A.J. Green seems to be a good pick for the Bengals even though the opening day starter for QB most likely won’t be on the roster when we draft him.  But if you have the chance to draft a receiver that could be dominant in the league, why not?  I’m not a hundred perecent happy with this either, especially with receivers like Jerome Simpson, Andre Caldwell, and Jordan Shipley on the roster (and I guess Chad, too, but I’m just hoping he’s not back next year).  The Bengals could go defensively again, with some people arguing that the Bengals could draft Patrick Peterson, Von Miller, or Robert Quinn. 

The thing is, there is not a single prospect that the Bengals could draft at No. 4 that I would even get remotely excited about.  Not one.  Plus, the Bengals need to draft a QB like they need to get a new owner/GM: as in really effin’ bad.  The Benglas probably won’t draft a QB at No. 4, and then they would just sit there hoping and praying that a QB that they want is still there at the top of the second round.  But now there are a bunch of rumors that many QB-needy teams will reach and draft them in the first round, leaving the Bengals screwed. 

The easiest cure for this?  Trade with New England.  It almost makes too much sense for the Bengals to trade out of the No. 4 pick.  The Patriots have the 17th, 28th, and 33rd overall picks.  And apparently the Patriots would like to get A.J. Green or Von Miller with the No. 4 pick.  According to Peter King, the Bengals could actually and reasonably trade their No. 4 pick for those 3 picks… Say what? Really?  Apparently,  there’s this system that assigns a numerical value to each draft pick.  The No. 4 pick = 2,200 points.  17th + 28th + 33rd =2,190. 

O. M. G.  Really?  Like, for real?  I need to write Mike Brown another letter to see if he knows this stuff (by the way, I have yet to receive a response to my last letter… not too surprised).  Of course, Peter King said that this numerical system isn’t “gospel” and teams don’t have to abide by this rule… But let’s throw out any reservations right now and just think about how much sense this trade would make for the Bengals.  Let me list a few reasons why the Bengals need to jump all over this if New England is willing to offer it:

1.  You Get Your QB:  There is no waiting and praying for the QB that you want to land in round 2.  The Bengals also wouldn’t need to trade draft picks to get back to round one.   At 17, the Bengals should have a reasonable shot at just about any quarterback that they want outside of the top two QBs.  Supposedly Bengals offensive coordinator Jay Gruden (Jon’s brother) is in “love” (per Peter King) with Andy Dalton from TCU.  I mean, yeah the kid is a full-fledged flaming ginger, so that means he has no soul and is evil incarnate, but I think the Bengals need that kind of edge. 

2.  Two Bleeping First Round Picks:  Do I need to say anything about that?  Who knows what the Bengals would get at 28, but I would hope it would be an offensive lineman to help protect the Ginger’s Soulless Ass. 

3.  And Two Picks at the  Top of the Second:  Hell yeah! 

4.  No Worries about “Wasting” the No. 4 Pick on ”Just” a Receiver:  I wouldn’t be too pissed if the Bengals did keep the No. 4 pick and go Green, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s the best scenario for the Bengals.  The Bengals can easily address the wide receiver problem with one of their second round picks. 

Second Best Option:

Once again, according to Peter King, there may already be a deal on the table with the Patriots trading one of their first round picks with a team in the second round.  If this could somehow be the Bengals, I would be pretty stoked.  The Bengals would not receive as many picks in the first scenario, but it may help them even more.  Why?

1.  You Get Green:  The Bengals get the best receiver in the draft.  Can’t complain about that.  More talent is better than less talent.

2.  You Get Your QB:  See above.

The only thing is that the Bengals would have to give up another draft pick to achieve this scenario, and for a rebuilding team like the Bengals, you need more picks rather than less.  Regardless, I’d make this trade in second because of our QB situation (did you know that Carson Palmer isn’t returning?  Apparently Mike Brown doesn’t).  I kind of doubt that the first scenario pans out, because, you know, Bill Bellichick being an evil bastard douchebag  and all (worse than Gabbert), and I doubt if he’ll give a team such an awesome deal in the first scenario, but the second scenario may already be deal. 

Here’s hoping that the Bengals don’t screw this up (this is sadly a familiar refrain).