It’s been a while, folks.

The blog, I mean. I started to write one last week, wrote three sentences, and then fell asleep at the keyboard. Or I just got bored. I can’t remember which. Having a 7-week-old makes all things blurry and hazy, like Raoul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Except things make less sense.

Weird.

So…

Whom do the Bengals play this week?

(Checks Bengals.com. Throws up at the effervescent, eternally optimistic mush that is Geoff Hobson’s writing. Now checks espn.com. Can’t find anything but writers on the nuts of Tom Brady and Ben Roethlis–)

It’s the effin’ Steelers!!!

(Curses underneath his breath)

(Wait, do I have tickets to this game?)

(I have tickets to this game.)

(I wish I didn’t pretend to pretend that I didn’t know that I knew that I had tickets.)

(Huh?)

Great.

Normally, I’d be totally stoked to go to a Bengals game. Especially a Monday nighter.  And doubly against the Steelers. But now all my enthusiasm has been tempered by the following:’

1. We’re 2-5. We lost four in a row.
2. The Bengals have yet to play a good game all the way through. Oh, the Bengals have played some darn good quarters. Exactly one each against the Falcons and the Dolphins. Yet they haven’t strung enough good quarters together to necessitate a good game.
3. The Bengals are the Bengals are the Bengals. You name it, it will go wrong. One week it’s Palmer sucking it up. The next week it’s the defense. The following week it’s Palmer playing a good quarter and the defense playing well for 3 quarters, and then that’s that.
4. Every week, I hope for improvement. Every week, I think the Bengals can Turn It Around. Every week, I think there will be a “We’re a Good Team Now! We’ve Been Kidding the Entire Time! Ha Ha! Wasn’t that Suckiness Funny?” moment. Every week, something new and old will find its way to suck.
5. I have to work the next day. (I know: Bitch, Bitch. But seriously, I don’t work in some Piece of Cake Techy Job that lets you stroll in at 11:00 a.m. with a mad hangover and puke still on your chin. I have to teach the yutes of society. Or just let them watch movies. Hmmmm…)

And it’s the Steelers. Weren’t they supposed to be bad? I mean, I listened to all the Stupid Pundits and Their Brothers tell me that they were supposed to be bad. So they were supposed to be bad, right? I mean, didn’t they get the memo? Who they hell is Charlie Batch anyway? I thought he died. Like, isn’t that the definition of Fourth String: Legally Dead?

No, this shouldn’t be happening. None of it.

Palmer is supposed to be like the 2005 Palmer and not be so maddeningly inconsistent.

Chad Johnsoncinco shouldn’t have decided to just disappear in every game where we had a chance of winning (getting stats when we’re down 3 scores doesn’t count).

What happened to the Fourth-Ranked Defense? What happened to all the run-stuffing power that we had? What happened to the Bengals taking away the Best Receiver of each team? I mean, after Atlanta Falcons receiver Roddy White “raped” the Bengals secondary (I think it was a little bit of both figuratively and literally after I saw them limp off the field), all notions of a fearsome Bengals pass defense was gone. Yeah, Jonathon Joseph was injured, but it’s not like Pacman Jones was a slouch.

Sigh…

So it’s “Steelers Week.” Normally it’s fraught with giddy anticipation and nervousness. Now it’s a big shrug of the shoulders.

I’m not giving up on the Bengals, however. At 2-5, the seasons seems over, and all signs are pointing toward the end of the season, but I’m going to root for this team hardcore. It’s not easy, but nothing worth having in life should be easy. If the Bengals can pull out a good win against the Steelers this week, it could be the spark to light the fire for the rest of the season.

I’ve been saying that the last four weeks, though.

True story: One of my friends, who overheard my “I’m not giving up on the Bengals even though I should” speech, told me that Roethlisberger is going to be abuse the Bengals like he abuses Female Dogs in the Bathroom.

I think he’s confused.

It’s getting to a point where I just hope the Bengals give teams a “good game,” which is the ultimate sign of We Suck Mode.

C’mon Bengals, prove me wrong.

Any suggestions, questions, complaints can be emailed to djacob@gearupforsports.com. You can also join Dave’s facebook group, and/or follow him at http://twitter.com/HoldenCarraway.