I was watching Oprah the other week.

Hold on! Hold on! Don’t click on another link! I’m still a dude who likes sports! This is a blog about the Bengals! Just wait, I will make a connection, some way, somehow.

And I had a gun pointed at my head and C4 strapped to my balls! It was totally and completely against my will! *

Anyway, I was watching Oprah and she interviewed the person who made the documentary Waiting for Superman, which is about the sad state of public education. The guy who made the documentary said that when he was younger his mom told him that there was no such thing as Superman. And he cried. Why? Because the conditions in his neighborhood were so bad that he thought that the only hope that he had was for Super man to save him. Now, when I heard that, 49% percent of me (the educator in me) felt really bad about his situation, but the other 51% (the smart ass part) wanted to laugh my ass off. Really? Superman? C’mon, man. I know he was a little kid, but what a dumbass!

A few days later, I watched the Bengals vs. the Panthers. Or, really, Sucky vs. Suckier. It was one of the saddest games I’ve ever watched. The Bengals D played great, but the offense… well, was ugly to say the least. The offensive line was shaky, receivers were running some bad routes, but the most disconcerting problem in the game was the QB.  And it wasn’t the rookie QB.

How could a guy, an eight-year veteran, a guy who has given the Bengals spectacular seasons in 2005 and 2006, look so GD awful? Many fans expect Carson Palmer to be awesome every year, but he hasn’t been consistently great since 2006. Cincinnati fans are just like the guy from Waiting for Superman; we’re waiting for our SuperQBman, and I don’t know if we will ever see a return of the 05/06 Palmer.

Speculation has run rampant as to what The Problem is with Carson.

Paul Daugherty of Enquirer thinks it could be his elbow.

Coaches and some fans blame everything and the kitchen sink. And one fan watched the entire tape of Palmer’s game against the Panthers, and he ended up with the analysis that if Carson has time to set his feet and throw, he’s an elite QB.

Some fans just want the Bengals to give up on Carson completely. I’ve seen comments such as, “See, I told you that Carson was a bad QB,” as if this person were happy that the Bengals have a “bad QB.” Why should anyone who purports to be a Bengals even want Carson to be bad?

You can count me among the myriad of Frustrated Bengal Fans (as if there were any other kinds) of this world.  But I am definitely NOT one of those fans who say that We Need a New QB.  Look, Carson Palmer is the Bengals QB for at least the next five years.  Period.  Anyone who says we need a new one, or pines for a new one, they need to face this reality: As long as Carson is purportedly healthy and in his prime, he’ll be the Bengals QB.  Like it or not.

A famous college coach once said that there are 3 possible outcomes when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad. Let me add a fourth one for Carson, which is almost as bad: a Dropped Gift INT. For as bad as Palmer has been, he has gotten extremely lucky every game when a defender has the ball land directly in his hands, and then he acquires the case of the Sucks/Drops. It’s almost worse than watching an interception because you’re just thinking to yourself, “If the other guy didn’t suck as much, the Bengals would be even worse.”

And the worst thing about the whole thing? I have no solution. No insight. No silver lining. I mean, yeah the offensive line needs to play a lot better. Deactivating Fat Boy Fat Andre Smith last week speaks volumes about how ready he is to be a starter. And yeah, maybe Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens could run better routes at times (I guess). But still, Carson hasn’t been great. He’s barely been mediocre.

All I have is Hope. I pray to the God of Quarterbacks that Carson Palmer returns to his Pro Bowl Form of 2005 and 2006. I hope that Fat Ass Andre Smith can get his act together and be the first round talent that he should be. I hope the receivers get their act together.

And I hope we kick the crap out of the Browns. If they can’t be them, the Bengals don’t stand a chance against pretty much the rest of the schedule: Colts, Jets, Chargers, Steelers, et al.

Carson Palmer, your fans are waiting for you to return to your Pro Bowl Form, Mr. SuperQBMan. Just as John Lennon said: Don’t Let Us Down.

* Okay, I will sheepishly admit that this is a complete and utter lie. My wife and I, who were both off of work due to the birth of our son, were hanging out at home, and we were just watching TV when I saw a commercial for Oprah and her interview with the guy from Waiting for Superman, and I actually thought, I would like to watch this. I even had the remote and everything. It’s a sad judgment on society that if you asked a guy what are the two gayest things that a man could do, and you had a choice between 1) Have authentic male genitalia stuck up your anus, vs. 2) Watch Oprah… Well, it’s probably #1, but #2 is pretty damn close. Like a 10 vs. a 9.9. That’s just sad, though.

Any suggestions, questions, complaints can be emailed to djacob@gearupforsports.com. You can also join Dave’s facebook group , and/or follow him at http://twitter.com/HoldenCarraway.