The Bengals did not do too much in their first preseason football game to inspire a ton of confidence for the regular season. But it’s VERY early, and it’s still the preseason, so it doesn’t mean too much…

Except, well, there are many things for the Bengals to work on.  To put it mildly.

My wife, all 8.2 months pregnant that she is and very lovely, told me that she expected to see “shock and awe” from the Bengals offense. Well, not too much shocking here, but I did say, “Awwwwwww” many times…

Okay, let’s take a look at the different aspects of the game:

- Carson Palmer and T.O. Newest BFFs?: It seemed that the only receiver that Carson Palmer had on the field was Terrell Owens. On the first pass of the game Owens ran a nice route and made a good catch. On the second pass of the game, Owens made another nice catch (more on that later). Palmer’s first four throws were to Owens. Palmer clearly wants to make sure they’re developing a good rapport. Palmer could’ve completed a couple more passes EXCEPT for the…

- Freakin’ Penalties: Nine penalties, that is. There were eleven total of the first half, and nine of them were caused by the Bengals. My wife noted that there are many unfamiliar, new things for the Bengals this year on offense… except for the GD penalties. That’s VERY familiar. I think my new list of non-preferred torture devices, in ascending order, is this: Chinese water torture, Barbara Streisand movies, and Bengals penalties. I don’t want to go through any of that. Chad Ochocinco had an “illegal motion” penalty, which negated a good catch and first down by T.O… Chad, didn’t you work on “legal” motions during all your reality shows? Seriously, I can’t take another season of leading the league in penalties (not quite leading, but we were damn close last season).

- Offensive Line was Very Good… If You Like Swiss Cheese for your Offensive Line: The first team, second team, and your momma’s team of offensive linemen… sucked. The Palmers and O’Sullivan had about zero time to go through their progressions. The first team did the “best,” but that’s like praising a midget for how tall he is.   I hate to say this, but, Andre Smith, where are you?

- Stat of the Day, Other than the Stupid, Freakin’ Penalties: Cowbys Offense: 205 yards for the first half; Bengals Offense: 67 Yards. That’s all you need to know. It’s amazing that it was only 6-0 Cowboys to end the first half.

- Pacman Jones Struggled and Excelled: Jones made some good plays out there. On Tony Romo’s first pass of the game, he covered Miles Austin very well and helped cause an incompletion. In the red zone, however, Jones let Roy Williams blow right pass him. Luckily Romo got sacked, and then on the next play Jones stuck with Williams and covered him very well, forcing Romo to throw it away. Overall, Jones helped his stock for the first game.

- Rushing the Passer… Gets a C-minus: The Cowboys’ first team offense picked up the blitz several times and the Bengals didn’t get pressure on Romo at times. Michael Johnson, however, was a beast. Whenever Johnson was in the game, he dominated his opponent and he got two sacks. One of them, it seemed that Tashard Choice didn’t realize he was supposed to be blocking him, but Johnson did seem to be driving to the QB on a consistent basis… I approve of him as a Bengal.  Geno Atkins also had a sack, and he showed some quickness with a few quarterback pressures.

- Backup QBs = Suckup QBs: If Bengals fans didn’t know that they were screwed if C. Palmer, goes down, this game confirmed it. J.T. O’Sullivan either overthrew the ball or he threw it at the helmets of the OTHER team. O’Sullivan threw a bomb that was nowhere near a Bengal, but it landed right in the hands of a Cowboy. Jordan Palmer threw two interceptions right to the other team, and one goes for an immediate touchdown. I think that since both guys haven’t played a meaningful down for the Bengals for so long that they forgot which side they were on.  J. Palmer did have a nice scramble and throw for a TD at the very end of game, but it was too little, too late.  I mean, for as bad as the first half was, the second half was just unbearable.

- Pain is Temporary, Unless You Get Injured and You’re a Bengal: Well, Brian Leonard hurt his foot and was taken out of the game. Antwan Odom was hit in the eyes, but he probably could’ve gone back in the game. And Cordera Eason, after he fumbled the ball, got hurt.  Chris Crocker also hurt his ankle.  Hopefully they all heal very soon. 

- The Microcosm of Every Bengals Season Ever: 4th and 17 during the preseason? Why not go for it? I wasn’t too surprised that they went for it, but it shocked the hell out of me when J. Palmer of all people completed a pass to Chase Coffman. I would’ve been less shocked if Chad Ochocinco busts out Jimmy Hoffa’s body and sat him on the bench and smoked a cigar next to it. I actually got excited for a second when that happened. But then soon-to-be-cut Cordera Eason fumbled the ball and that was that.

- Matt Jones, of All People, Does Well: He had 3 catches for 42 yards. Jones somehow looked like he belonged. Albeit against the Cowboys backups. But the much maligned, former coke addict made some plays. Most people have written him off. And he probably will still get cut, but someone should definitely pick him up.

- Punt-returning, Work in Progress:  Jordan Shipley should’ve waved a catch fair when he tried to field it and he got blown up.  But he did have a 64-yard punt return that nearly went for a touchdown.  Pacman Jones bobbled the ball at one point on a punt-return catch, but then he ran it back for 35 yards.  I’d go with Shipley right now, but it’s still too early to say anything for sure. 

- Red Flag? Really?: Wade Phillips threw a red flag to challenge a Matt Jones catch. Really? It’s the Hall of Fame Game, Wade, and you’re throwing a GD red flag. I know the game was boring, but don’t you just want to get the game over with? Throwing a red flag in this game was like asking Barbara Streisland to keep singing and/or acting and/or living. It’s prolonging the agony.

Overall a very disappointing beginning to a season with much promise. I’m not too worried, since it’s just the first preseason game, but the team obviously needs to get in sync more on the offensive side of the ball (didn’t I say that last year?).

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, you can email David Jacob at djacog@gearupforsports.com.   You can join his facebook group, and/or follow him at http://twitter.com/HoldenCarraway.