At the end of the movie There’s Something about Mary, it is unveiled that Brett Favre is the “Brett” that Mary had broken up with many years ago, and he comes back to try to win her love again. Ben Stiller’s character tells Mary that she should be with him and he walks out the door, even though he has pined for her since high school. Everyone in the audience thinks the same thing at once: This movie cannot end this way. Sure enough, Mary comes running back to Ben’s character, and she says she can’t be with Brett because she’s a “Niners fan.” Riiiiight.

What does this have to do with the Bengals-Vikings matchup this weekend? Well, I thought this might be a good analogy for the Vikings and the Bengals. Brett Fav-rah (if you don’t recall, that’s how Stiller pronounces it… I know, must people should know this, but there ARE people out there who haven’t seen it) in the movie represents… Favre (and I guess the Vikings, too, since that’s whom he plays for). He’s the good looking, popular, athletic guy who picks up all the hottest women. He’s THE alpha male, the proverbial biggest fish in whatever sized pond there is. Men want to be him and women want… to go for Ben Stiller? See, that just doesn’t sound right.

Oh yeah, and I guess Favre plays for the Vikings, who are one of the three teams that pundits have crowned as the Elite of the NFL. Aside from their two losses, the Vikings have looked nearly unstoppable. They have three pro bowlers on the defensive line, and they have scored the second most points in the league with their weapons of Favre, Peterson, and a host of good receivers. Before the season started anyone and everyone who knew anything about football said that if the Vikings had a QB, they’d be one of the elite. Well, they got their wish in Mr. Favre.

The Bengals, on the other hand, are the Ben Stillers of the world. They have been geeky, awkward teenager who failed at just about everything (the Bengals in the 90s), and then he grew up into a mildly successful writer, but he stilled pined for Mary (the past five years for the Bengals). The Bengals have had some success, namely the 2005 season and this year, but they’re still going after their “Mary.” And “Mary” is not a Super Bowl for the Bengals. It’s respect (okay, and maybe a Super Bowl win too). Brett Fav-rah and the Vi-queens have earned their respect in the league, and not just from this stellar season. Even though the Bengals are nearly guaranteed a division title (knock on wood!), the Bengals’ lackluster performances the past three weeks have left much to be desired.

What will earn this respect? Easy. A win over the Vikings, and then a win over the Chargers the following week. Both are on the road. But first things first. The stakes for the Vikings game are pretty clear for both teams: Win, and you win the division. That’s for both teams. The Vikings are coming off a tough loss against the Cardinals and will want to prove they are still one of the Elites of the NFL.

The keys to the game for the Bengals are simple:
1) Protect Carson
2) Throw the ball more
3) Use the pass to set up the run (and not vice versa)
4) Stop Peterson
5) Sack/intercept/confuse Favre

They are simple ideas, but can the Bengals execute them? The Vikings are banged up right now; they lost their middle linebacker E.J. Henderson to a potentially career-ending injury. We’re not exactly very healthy either: We lost defensive tackle Domata Peko – who is our best run stuffer – until Jan. 3; and both defensive end Antwan Odom and WR Chris “Go Deep” Henry are out for the season.

Team/Player Photos: Cincinnati Bengals Team / Player Photos on Jul 23, 2010

I would like to think that the Bengals are really “Ben Stiller” in There’s Something about Mary and we get the girl (win) at the end of the day. If you took a poll of the hottest women on the planet, however, most of them would wind up with Favre (Vikings win).

Hollywood always has these nice, trite endings that are hardly ever grounded in reality. The reality on Sunday is that the Vikings may beat the brains out of the Bengals. Let’s hope for a better ending.