I guess one of the best problems that a winning team can have is complaining about how they’re not winning by even MORE. Beating the worst team in the league (sorry Browns fans, it’s true. It’s on Wikipedia now. You can’t deny it) by “just” 9 points has given fans (including me) fits. Other teams who are not leading their division would love to sit back and complain about how their offense isn’t setting the world on fire. Nevertheless, the collective psyche of Bengal Nation looked at the bor-ffense (boring offense. Aren’t I clever? Please, save your applause.) during Sunday’s snooze fest of a game and opined, “This can’t be the true Bengals offense.”

Granted, the offense outgained the Browns 306 yards to 169. This may look like dominance, smell like dominance, jiggle like dominance, but is it really dominance? 306 yards is a very good day for a passing game, not exactly a total offense. Roughly two hundred of those yards came via Bernard Scott and Larry “I’m so happy I’m not a Chief I may have pooped myself a little bit when I signed with the Bengals” Johnson (seriously, he’s a happy guy. Wouldn’t you be?). And Carson had 110 yards passing. Back in 05, Carson had 110 yards after about two passes.

I was just wondering how many 300 yard passing games Carson has had this year. Do you want to hear the grand total? A big fat zero. Zero. As in, “Oh my God I can’t believe it’s really zero” zero. His most yardage was 271 in a win against the Ravens. He’s had four games with less than 200 yards. He has had seven games where he has failed to complete a pass for over 40 yards. Seven games. What the hell is going on here? Seriously. I distinctly remember reading an article about how Marvin Lewis was touting the revamped Big Play Bengals. Geoff Hobson of Bengals.com wrote about how the team was emphasizing working on the Big Play. Okay… What do you guys have to show for all of that work? Two words: Jack and Squat.

Right now fans are scrambling to find reasons about why the Bengals of 09 don’t equal the Bengals of 05 in terms of offense spectacularousness (eh, it’s not a word, but, whatever. I’m an English teacher; I can make up crap on the spot because I’ve got a license to BS (Bring the Shenanigans)).

My favorite of these theories is the Conspiracy Theory (Dum dum duhhhhh). The theory, which I read on a fan post and was reiterated by my school’s janitor (I’m not making this up), is that the Bengals are keeping their Full Arsenal of Plays under wraps for the playoff/big game stretch. Under this idea, the Bengals offense is deliberately vanilla right now so that other teams won’t be able to game plan against what the Bengals will unleash on them.

I think this might be one of the most asinine things I have ever heard. Not on the fans part. The fans are just desperate for an answer to the Bengals’ anemic offense. I’m saying that, if ANY of the coaches – even if it were the ball boy – entertained this thought for a nanosecond, they should be fired immediately and not allowed to see, touch, or smell a football for the rest of their lives.

Okay, there is merit – and it is done by teams all the time – with having a few new plays that aren’t used all the time so that teams won’t be able to game plan for every play in certain games. But this cannot explain some of the poor throws that Carson makes, the lousy penalties, and the missed assignments by some receivers (ahem, Laveranues Coles). I understand they’re not going to use every play in the book for every game, but they’re not going to hide ALL the plays in their play book.

The Bengals need to make sure that the passing game is much sharper than it has been lately. We’re not going to beat the Chargers or the Vikings by scoring 16 points. Hell, I’ll include the Lions, too. I’m sure the coaches understand that, and their game plan for those teams will be drastically different than the Browns. The game plan for the Lions, however, will hopefully include more passing plays. The run game will probably still be in force, especially with trying to break in Andre Smith, but I’d like to see a few passes go for more than 40 yards.

My personal theory about the Bengals offense? Marvin Lewis is trying to mold the 09 Bengals into the 00 Ravens who won the Super Bowl. The Ravens won with a stifling defense, good running game, and minimal mistakes by the QB. Hey, if that gets us to the Super Bowl, I’m all for it. We’ve got the decent running game, and I think it’s on par with the Ravens running game of 2000. Our defense is good, but it’s not record-setting good like the Ravens. Carson Palmer vs. Trent Dilfer? Please. I’m not going to dignify that with a response (Does anyone else hate Dilfer as an analyst on ESPN? I have to change the channel whenever I see his mug on the screen.)

But there’s the problem. We’ve got a great QB. Good to great receivers. Why are we being so timid? Palmer made a comment about how the Browns safeties were playing “so deep” against the Bengals, which is his explanation for the short passes.

So what? Yeah, I understand taking what the defense gives you, but look at the Colts, the Patriots, and the Saints. Do you ever hear Manning, Brees, or Brady say, “Well, I didn’t throw it deep because the defense didn’t let us try”? No! Of course not. Brees, Brady, and Manning throw it when they want to. It doesn’t work all the time, and it’s not supposed to, but when it does work, it’s huge. Completing a 40+ yard pass against the defense changes the complexity of the game. It opens up the running lanes more. It tires out the defense. It guarantees more points.

And that’s what this is all about. Scoring more points. That’s the No Duh comment of the week. The Bengals haven’t been lighting the scoreboard all season (except for the Bears), and if they hope to win a playoff game, they’re going to have to put more points on the board than they have been.