Okay, okay, okay… (out of breath) okay. We won… I need a second (hands on knees, spitting a loogie, wiping sweat off my brow, taking deep breaths). *In the voice of the Wayne’s World guy who compliments Garth after he does his sweet drum solo* That… was an amazing game, dude.

It’s tough to pick a place to start. Let’s begin at the end. I felt very good when Shayne Graham kicked that field goal with a few minutes left and made it a two score game. The defense continued to harass Rodgers and it was 4th and whatever. I thought they would goal for the TD, but they went for a field goal. Touche, Green Bay. Not a bad move… If the onside kick works, which it never does. So they line up for the onside kick, I’m thinking, We’re good, we’re good, God can’t hate us again… What the hell?!?! It was a perfect onside kick and they recover it.

A few moments beforehand, I had a buddy call me after Shayne makes the field goal, asking me if I felt good. I won’t write about my description of how good I felt, because my mom might read this blog. But I was feeling good, okay? (Sean, never, EVER, under any circumstances, call me before a Bengals game is over, alright?) After the Packers recovered it, Sean calls again, and I said about three coherent, colorful words, and a few words in a language yet to be discovered by man (once again, I cannot reproduce because this is a family blog). Sean is a Browns fan. Someway, somehow, that had to factor into how this game went (I am rooting for the Browns this week because I want the Broncos to get smacked).

Anyway, the Packers regain the football, and I kept thinking, God really, really hates the Bengals. Mike Brown must really be Lucifer because God wouldn’t hate us so much. After a few desperation heaves, Green Bay made it to the 15 yard line, but time ran out, and they had a false start call, so the game was over. God doesn’t hate us anymore. I might go to church right now and say a few prayers of thanks.

Folks, I’ve run two marathons and 6 or 7 half marathons before. I’ve never been more tired in my life. My heart had been racing a mile a minute throughout pretty much the entire game. We started out on a positive note with a touchdown drive on our first possession (I called that! Read my last blog). And then the gaffes start pouring in. Palmer had two awful interceptions, one that went for a touchdown. Palmer would’ve been the first person to blame if we lost. But, really, he played a good game overall.

The play calling was good and bad. At the end of the game, I loved the call on 1st and 10 when we tried to go for the jugular and Palmer heaved one to Chris Henry. It was close but no cigar. I still loved the play call. I HATED when it was 4th and one, the next possession we had, the ball was on the Packers 40ish yard line, and we could’ve A) Gone for it, B) Kicked a 55 yard field goal, C) Discover that we are a member of the opposite sex and punt it. Marvin Lewis, GO FOR IT. Our running game was ridiculously effective today. It was one yard. MARVIN, IT WAS ONE YARD. What kind of faith are you showing in your offense when you don’t go for it? None. I was pretty pissed at the coaches for that one. Have some actual male parts, Marvin. Geeze.

Anyway, there were a ton of great plays of the game for us (Chad’s Lambeau Leap! and Benson running like a man possessed), but THE play of the game would have to be in the second quarter, when it was 3rd and a mile (like 35 or something ridiculous like that), and we were backed up to Cincinnati, and somehow we complete a screen pass to Daniel Coats and get a first down. Of course, it was thisclose to being a typical Bungles play: Coats fumbled it right before the first down, but then he falls on it. My future cardiologist grew a few thousand dollars richer just from that play alone.

The game ball, however, has to go Antwan Odom. Five sacks. How can one describe such a performance? We had 17 sacks ALL LAST SEASON. The offense played great today, but we wouldn’t have won it without our defense, namely Odom, but everyone played well. I think he must’ve eaten two cans of Campbell’s Chunky Soup before the game. I told my wife after the game that someone from the… Well, I guess I can’t write that either. But she laughed and it was funny! (I know, that’s pretty lame. Deal with it).

Cedric Benson… man, I’m glad he’s our running back.  That’s weird to write, after all the criticism that everyone’s heaped on him.  When he got bottled up, somehow he would just plow forward and get an extra few yards.  I think I might start him in my fantasy football league now.  He’s impressing the heck out of me.  Our offensive line gave him some nice holes, but not all of the time.

Overall a great game (except for the stupid penalties, but I’m so happy right now that I don’t care).  It feels good to be 1-1. Next week, Steelers week! Bring them on!