First thing I want to say, is that the Bengals had no business in winning that game. The Steelers outgained us by 100 yards, but it seemed like they outgained us by 1,000 yards. Seriously, we had ONE positive play during the first quarter: the kickoff return by Caldwell to like the 40 yard line. But after the first play of the game we had a penalty and the offense went downhill from there. At the end of the first quarter we had negative 10 yards. NEGATIVE TEN YARDS. Let me write that one more time with a qualifier: NEGATIVE  TEN (bleeping)YARDS. We were down 10-0 and then 13-0 in second quarter. Thirteen points seemed like 13,000 points. This is how a typical Bengals possession went: Run for one yard on first down, run for minus-two yards on second down, pass for an incompletion on third down. Add a couple of variations of the last few plays and that was how our offense went for the first three quarters.

Our ineptitude, however, was not enough for us to lose this game. We had five plays that helped us win the game. Here they are:

1) Jonathon Joseph intercepts Ben and runs it back for a TD (missed extra point adds to the “We are the Bungles” mystique).
2) Limas Sweed drops a sure touchdown pass. Steelers score a field goal.
3) Cedric Benson, who seemed to have negative yards up until this point (he actually finished with 76 yards), had a 23 yard touchdown run. Where the hell did that come from? Our running game was as effective as a Paris Hilton dramatic movie.
4) Stopping the Steelers after we score the TD. Could not have been more huge.
5) The Last Drive. We face two fourth down completions to continue the game. One we completed a pass to Coles on fourth and 2 and the other one on fourth and 10 to Brian Leonard for 11 yards. Ridiculous. How does that happen?  Two plays later, 18 seconds left, Palmer passes to Caldwell for the game-winning touchdown.

This was unbelievable on several fronts. First off, we spiked the ball twice when we had two timeouts left. Why are we wasting downs when we have less than 30 seconds left and time outs to spare? Why? WHY? I don’t understand. We did not manage the game clock effectively AND WE STILL WON. I don’t get it. If we use our timeouts we could’ve given ourselves more downs to complete more plays, but WE STILL WON. This is unfathomable. Inexplicable.

Second, this game was a game we deserved to lose. We played AWFUL throughout the first 3 quarters and then we get our act together and play like champions for the last 15 minutes. This was the definition of a game that the Bengals lose. Look it up in Websters under a Bengals Loss: Playing like poop and letting the other team dictate the pace of the game. The main difference in the game is that Sweed drops a touchdown and Caldwell catches one. If the reverse happens, that’s the game. We would’ve lost.

I was at the game, folks. The crowd reaction to the game-winning TD? Un-be-liev-able. I hugged the guy next to me so hard that I think he is now officially one of my next of kin. High fiving. Screaming “Who Dey” at the top of my lungs. This Bengals win was as if they shot all Bengals fans with a syringe of heroin.

My friend that I brought to the game who is a Steelers fan was obviously disappointed.  People screamed in his face that “we kicked your ass!” I don’t know what game THEY watched, but they last thing we did was kick the Steelers’ ass. The next game that we play against them will be on their home turf, and I don’t expect to play a game like that and win again. We were AWFUL, but a win is a win. My friend commented about how Bengals fans seemed to be celebrating a Super Bowl win. For us, this was as close to a Super Bowl win as we’ve ever had. This was a game we should’ve lost. This was a game against the schoolyard bully that has beaten us up for time in memoriam. We played poorly but we had enough moxie at the end of the game to pull a win out of our sphincters.

Even though the Steelers played better overall, I will not apologize for this win. We didn’t fall on our ass and catch a nearly-intercepted pass and run for a touchdown like the Broncos did against us. We played well when we HAD to, and that was good enough to win.   I believe that the gods of Karma paid us back for that stupid loss we had at the beginning of the year.  Unlike the Broncos, we earned that incredible win by performing in the clutch.

We still have a long ways to go to be considered a “dangerous” or a “good” team, but we’re 2-1 and they’re 1-2. That’s all that matters right now and we have to come out next week and beat a struggling Browns team. There is still a lot of football left to play and we won’t be winning many games if we keep playing like this. Let’s hope we can get our act together.